To Be Or Not To Be

Ever since Im here at IIT Kanpur, I have been doing things which I had never done in my life. Now Im always troubled when I think if this is right to do or not. Should I be the same what I was before or should I not be the same and change as I change?
I have started abusing, never serious like most of the guys here, diverted my mind from studies,

But the thing that troubles me most is that I have grudges against myself. I have grudges against Saurabh.
Saurabh you were one of the most decent guy in the college. Always studious. Never involved in any kind of damn activities. You spoke less. Always shy. But you have changed now. The very thing that constituted Saurabh is not there. May be the change is on positive side. You may justify that you ought to do these things to learn to live in this world. But the grudge is that you have changed.


Now I don't know that whether I be the same that I was or I should change? Im unable to decide which way to choose.This leaves me in a state sinosudally varrying between these two. And as usual, what I had expected from me, I end up putting myself in great mess. Always perplexed, oscillating between the two thoughts, unable to take the decision. Im not sure which of the above thought constitutes me and this leads me to the conclusion that surely this confusion constitutes me.

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calmity of so long life;
    --- Hamlet, Shakespeare